Provision or the Person
I have told many that Ezekiel 16 describes my walk in spades. God picks me up as a child, grooms me to be His, I walk away to seek other lovers, and then He redeems. In Ezekiel 16:33-34 you give gifts to all your lovers - bribes- instead of you as the harlot getting paid, you pay them (paraphrased). Basically God causes all the lovers to cut like knives. This was my experience in spades - trying to "pay" for love.
But now I want to put this in context of a portion of commentary on Job. You see, Satan charged that Job loved God because Job was a "paid lover of God." In other words, the love of God was based on the gifts. In my own experience, the love of at least one of my lovers was based on provision. That was clear when she told our common hairdresser that what she would miss most is "country club life." Even my unbelieving hairdresser was stunned and said, "Cari, she does not miss you; she misses the lifestyle." When I heard this I realized that it was not me she loved, but the provision.
This is precisely what Satan challenged. He was saying that Job would stop as soon as it was all gone. This really caused me pause once again. Could I really say, "naked I came and naked I’ll leave?" Well, I hope so. It is a key reason why I wake up and read the word and pray - not because I think I could just be strong, but because I have a keen fear that JUST ME without oil in my lamp will falter big-time. It scares me in a good way into being prepared. I would not want JESUS to think that my love is based on provision. I know how sad and broken-hearted I was on a human level to think I was not loved for who I was. I really don’t want to do that to the heart of God. But the ONLY way not to be that is to spend intimate time in His word. For me, there is no other way. I can’t hang onto words of sermons or another’s walk - this has to be mine - first and foremost.