Something I’ve been pondering since yesterday. In church we discussed legacies and anthems. Years ago there were two lines in a poem I wrote: Do I take each chapter written, seal it for my selfish prize? Or generate an epilogue to share with younger lives? As I sat in church, I recognized a bit of a flaw in the second line. Every human being generates an epilogue to a chapter. It represents the summary and closing statements and framework that launches to the next chapter (whether conscious or not). However, humanly speaking it might be filled with bitterness, cynicism, depression, humiliation, shame, I’ll never do that again, OR human goodness, pride and maybe even success.
Yesterday I realized that God must be the One I allow to pen the epilogue. But this requires my conscious pause and a deep stillness so that the parchment of my heart is humbled and laid flat in admission and submission so He can engrave. His hand presses into that vulnerable place inside (if we allow it) and in that pressing a unique face appears - another aspect of His character that becomes our engrained Truth. I sat there and thought, Lord I don’t want to be remembered for the chapters; I want to be remembered by the faces of you I was afforded to convey to others because by your grace and pressuring they were imparted! I want to be remembered for Him not self. I want the compiling of my life to be the epilogues He wrote as those far overshadow the harshness of the pain. I desire to say each day that it was worth it!
When I share those personal faces of God, folks can’t necessarily feel the complete experience (maybe at best empathize). However what I hope happens is that there is a draw to His reflection and a overwhelming desire to pursue Him in a deep way, gaining their OWN experience of a beautiful epilogue He wants to pen in their lives. That verse once again, "be still and know that I am God" came to life once again yesterday. For me it is not just sitting still while my mind goes to all the places of the "shoulda, woulda, coulda’s, and why." Or worse yet humiliation, shame, dejection, and rejection. But instead laying bare and open and embracing His perfect penmanship and will for my life, allowing the pressing in so that He is pressed out! Then I’m launched to the next chapter with Him as my rock and foundation and a far deeper trust and confidence that He truly is GOOD and His love is like no other .
Have a wonderful day,
Love,
Cari